OK - let's assume those 3 things are what caused your wife to want a divorce. I wouldn't assume that, but let's say - just for the sake of argument - that those are the things that bothered her the most. It really doesn't matter what bothered her. If she wants a divorce, she wants a divorce. She's legally entitled to exit a marriage for any reason at all, or for no reason. She's not obligated to convince anyone of the validity of her reasons. The marriage isn't working for her, so she wants out. If she wants out, she can have out. There's no need for all this nastiness. You're not threatening to kill her, if she leaves. As a cop, you surely heard that some women get those kind of threats. Your wife is not Tina Turner, and you're not Ike. Next time she hands you a letter or sends a snotty text, try saying: "Look woman, if you want to go, then go." No need for her to keep rechewing the cud.

At some point, you've got to decide that done is done, and a bunch of whys don't really matter. You will most likely never feel you clearly understand how she came around to wanting this divorce. Ultimately, you need to stop caring why.

Now she's worried how she'll make up the income deficit. She's whining at you, "What shall I do?" At some stage of the game, your answer needs to be, "Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a d@m." Otherwise, you'll go nuts, which I think is the object of her game. I think she mentally dwells in a very strange and somewhat sick alternate universe . . . and she wants to pull you in there too. You're getting pulled in and pushed out at the same time. You do not have to buy a ticket for that ride. It's time to start setting up boundaries. You didn't lure her into marriage with some kind of a scam. That's bullchips. It sounds like an argument to get you to pay "reparations." If she guilts you enough, maybe you'll keep splitting your gig money with her.