Ah God I'm embarrassed by all that I've wrote.

Anyway, I want to meditate a lot.. Because it has such great benefits.. And I've been doing the best I've ever been (With productivity)..

But maybe I should lower the stimulant dose (I take 60mg of Vyvanse and 2x 10mg Dexedrine spansules in the morning - And 2x 10mg Dexedrine spansules at 1-2pm).

I'm just.. Annoyed. My "autonomic nervous system" is over stimulated (During wakefulness to sleep). I want to stay up all night (But usually sleep at 12am-1pm), and find it EXTREMELY hard to wake up (In the morning at 8am during work days, and ~12pm during non-work days).

I'm so exhausted from living. And without the stimulant? I'd still be on atenolol (I think), for physical anxiety (But maybe that was cuz I had DPDR panic attacks - During the 1 year long or so, stimulant break).

I don't feel like taking the 3mg Invega pill. I stopped the 5mg of olanzepine (I'll still take it PRN - But then I thought, since I'm not taking the 3mg Invega pill, I'll use that instead - But will likely take the 3mg Invega pill during the second half of my Invega Trinza injection cycle anyways).

I procrastinate 100+ things.. It's like I have ADHD-Predominantly Hyperactive (Instead of ADHD-Predominantly Inattentive). At least I'm not very impulsive anymore, and I can focus well.

I'm doing the best I've ever been.. It's just extremely difficult to live like this hyped up. I drink a coffee in the morning, and chew nicotine gum all day.

God help me lol. But it's okay..