I totally agree with you about the stereotypes and how (even female) therapists react to them. Also, my H is extremely well spoken and can articulate his points very well. I also think there's something to the fact that my H has been in talk therapy off and on for his entire adult life so he has a lot more experience eloquently talking through his feelings. All I do is cry, especially these days. The other hard thing about couples therapy for us as a couple right now is that my H is a horrible rule follower, so whenever (even in the past) couples therapists have given us "rules" or a "goal", he is not into it. Like us living our lives more separately now has not gone very much according to plan and he is not going to be the one to do it as it will mostly make his life harder, not mine. Totally about being one-sided, and right now it is mostly for me too.

That is a good question about red flags prior. It is hard for me to say. My H has always had issues, like I said, but I guess to some extent I never let them bother me until he completely checked out of our relationship and all emotion for anyone or anything. Yesterday, two of our kids were occupied and only one was at home with us and my son who was home with us hurt himself (he's perfectly fine now) and we ended up having to take him to get stitches. And, the whole time H was on his phone and my son was begging him to pay attention to him, it was really sad. I can't make him check back in though...that is why I have on my list for my therapist this week to make my therapy about MYSELF.


Thank you for putting that into words re: externalizing blame. that is exactly what it is. I do think that philosophy can influence so much and it is a really powerless position to be in to think life just happens to you and you have no control over anything or how you react. I wish for my H that he could get past that somehow.


That is so complicated re: the medical issues and so hard when the family of origin stigmatizes mental health issues. It is so hard to figure out the confluence of medical, psychological or just personality and how they all interact. I hope that he can try and figure some of it out if only to get to a solution that can help you both!

I had a decent weekend, we had a preplanned family outing that was halfway decent as between my H and I, and the kids had a great time so that was good. Pretty soon school will be started and I will be inundated with sports and activities, which definitely keeps me busy.


It is funny how this type of thing goes. Some days I just feel so sad, like the world as I know it is ending and some days I feel like everything will be okay. I am trying so hard to focus on actions and not words and that is helping me a lot.

I hope you have a good start to the week, I actually like Mondays somewhat because I have meetings and work to distract me!