Is he taking any accountability in this relationship? He isn't a partner in any sense of the term, from what you write. When you try to engage him, he responds by saying "you can do these things" and "Maybe its you".

When you finally rip off the band aid and end it, after his consistent non-response and non-engagement he says you broke his heart?! He is acting like a child, putting everything onto you.

Grief is understandable as is warranted from the loss of a relationship in which you invested a lot. Shame? The shame is misplaced. There is no shame in fighting for, and knowing what you deserve, which is to receive as much as you give. You kept trying and he gave up on this relationship. By ending this one-sided relationship, you are actually modelling what a healthy relationship ought to be like for all the children involved.