My mom wanted to bring me to the hospital last night. I had to tone it down with the nihilism/depressiveness. I cried hard last night (But when do I not, sometimes?).

I took the 3mg of Invega and went to sleep. My mom phoned me at 1030am cuz she wanted me to try and wake up at 10am - I still woke up at noon.

I told her that I have psychedelics (That I don't really use), and don't want to have them taken away - Because I believe that I'm trying to go in a direction.. (Whatever it is), that is good.. and I can do something good.

I told her about how I was controlled in the past (And admit that I needed to be) - So I'm used to not being listened to. I'm responsible now, and she said "That was 5-6 years ago" - And I said "BUT the panic attacks - I suffered so much, the DPDR - No one has any idea, and the philosophical thoughts that came from it. It's not an illness", and I told her about how the hospital is "uncomfortable" - She said "That's the most normal thing you've said - It's not supposed to be a vacation", I said "I don't trust the psychiatric system" - I told her about "Shamanism, etc".. I have a lot of good insights that I've learned, about all my experience in dealing with my personal life, and how it relates to the world. It keeps me sane.

And the only thing I'm afraid of, is them "stopping the atenolol - Cuz then my heart would beat fast", so it's not that bad of a worry.

But anyways, could be mild opioid withdrawal possibly, idk. I'll try and continue my life..