Artie - I have to say, I don't think the issue here is with self-disclosure and whether it's helpful or not. I think the issue is that your T said you don't know her. That would hurt. And it's probably not even true (although I don't get to be the one to say). I will say, however, that if a T doesn't allow themselves to be known to me, then they are not the T for me. My T says that I know him, that the person he is in the room with me is the same person he is outside of the room.

Of course, I don't know everything about him--I'm not naive. And I know we all show up a little differently depending on the role we're in at the time. But he insists that he is himself with me, and I believe him. And no one person ever knows everything about another person, all of their thoughts and feelings and experiences and facets and idiosyncrasies--I don't think the therapy relationship is any different (i.e., less than).