(((Hugs)))

I'm so sorry if the joint counseling sessions don't feel as cohesive and helpful as you wished. In some weird way, it's almost like he has an advantage and uses it . Wonder what the counselor sees? It seems like maybe it's not accurate to your experience? Sad that it seems to favor him and not serve you quite as well.

The limitation with my dh, that really showed during counseling, was his inability to be accountable and take responsibility. He's so good at externalizing, twisting facts, and blame shifting, that he does it automatically at this point. It's probably like breathing for him. No matter the situation, he generally won't stop until someone else is holding the blame bag. The counselor seems to give him the benefit of the doubt, which just empowers him more. Even DD has noted that his counselor seems to do more harm than good at times, and she probably means well, but....

During that session I joined him, the counselor gave us "homework", and of course he didn't do anything in regard to it, so your situation sounds familiar. No idea what he told her about it when he went back. Don't care. But, I totally get where you are coming from, that he doesn't make the effort that's been asked of him . He readily agreed to it in front of the counselor, however. Guess that's all back to saying the right things, and doing nothing.

My H has always had issues, like I said, but I guess to some extent I never let them bother me until he completely checked out of our relationship and all emotion for anyone or anything.

Yes! I could say the exact same thing. The good parts of him outweighed the bad parts for a long time. I'm pretty easy going, so let lots of "little" things slide (heck, I'm not perfect either). Then it was like it all just came apart at the seams all at once.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry that your son got hurt. Hope he's feeling okay! And so sad that his dad was checked out when your son would obviously like him to be present and empathetic. Those kinds of experiences are a big deal for kids!

It's funny that you mention the phone, because it seems like dh getting a smart phone a few years back was a factor in the beginning of the end. What's on his phone is apparently way more interesting than DD or myself 95% of the time. Sometimes it's like his phone is an alternate reality where he'd much, much rather be. . What did he do before he had the phone? He had no choice but to be more present in the here and now, and to engage/pay attention to what was actually going on around him. He seemed much less depressed before the phone. It's an addiction of sorts.

Yeah, definitely take care of yourself, and work on meeting your own needs. Clearly he's not going to do much for you, at least not at this point. No matter what ends up happening with your dh, there's no downside to improving the way you take care of yourself, love yourself, and to just generally get better and stronger everyday.

You're also right that it's quite a rollercoaster. There's appeal to just getting off of it completely, but it's not always realistic, or immediately attainable. I, too, have days when I don't know how I'll make it to the end of the day, and then days when I'm relaxed and honestly don't care what happens.

Glad your kids had a nice outing. Good memories for them, hopefully.

My DD is a little older and doesn't enjoy spending time with dh anymore, because she's very aware that he's not (or maybe can't be) interested in her as a person. He'll mostly only interact with her when there's something in it for him. It's not meaningful. The selfishness and one-sidedness is very obvious to her.

Hope you're doing okay this week.