I also had a meltdown in front of someone. And I didn't know him. I guess I'm vulnerable. Is that a bad thing? To need someone to notice and care? The response was will you give me a hug... stupid me walked away. I was a jerk.

We all have pain. You'd think this guy had his act together pretty well. I think it's ok to let out your emotions, maybe not in front of certain people but it's a sign you need someone to care about you.

Offline do you have activities to get your mind off of your problems? It's hard to find motivation, but once you do it might be a key to getting out of these revolving episodes. I've been that way too. Yes they go away but there is an underlying reason you are returning to being depressed.

We need contact. I don't know you so ignore this if it isn't relevant or something you'd like to do. Maybe join a dating site? A meetup.com site to get out with others? A hobby that also benefits someone else, even volunteering occasionally with something you know you're fairly good at. All the best to you.