I managed to eat - just cheese and crackers and pickles. I didn't clean up the kitchen. I had a glass of wine. It got me too tired.

Looking at some notes I made, I see that I got seriously depressed back the 2nd week of June. I managed to pull out of it . . . yet here I am feeling so low again. I think of suicide. I'm afraid it would be painful. But to keep going through these spells that are getting worse. I'm getting hopeless. I just go in and out of this bad state. I snapped out of it for a little while, but it comes back.

I know I've failed to arrange my life properly and do constructive things with my time. I feel so bad about the mess I've turned into.

I'll see if I can make a cup of tea.