It’s understandable how you can feel emotionally confused. However, if a good portion of what you contributed was cash, it may look like your wife was the main bread winner. For her this can be bad legally because she may be at risk of paying you alimony.

Kinda like, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. That’s why she is worried about her pension.

Also when you give a partner control of the money you risk that person seeing it as their money. I have a feeling that part of her keeping you waiting and hoping was more due to her meeting her own needs then seeing the funds you contributed as you deserving a share of property etc.

This recent ploy to get you to move out may be her attempt to be able to legally claim the home/residence as all hers.

Before you move out you should run it by a lawyer so you are aware of any risks.
Don’t assume she isn’t checking out her legal rights per your state.