I have an issue whereby I hold onto relationships emotionally long after they end. The last time this happened was with my ex fiance before I married my husband. I didn't let it go for two years after our breakup. It ended very badly, and I was torn apart by his cruel words to me in the end, which stuck with me for the next two years! I couldn't get past the hurt and the pain of those most cutting comments.

And now that I am 3 months divorced, I am holding on emotionally still to my ex husband who abused me pretty badly. It makes NO LOGICAL sense whatsoever.

This morning, I realized that I have go to let go of him, in every way. I've moved on in some ways, meaning I dated a guy rather casually for two months during my divorce, and I've met many new men, but I am emotionally still very attached to my marriage/relationship.

I envisioned putting him and everything about our relationship into an imaginary box, tying a bow around it and setting it free to float down the river, letting the water carry it far far away from me. Or maybe I would set it free into space and into orbit somewhere in a far away galaxy. LOL. This imaginary vision helps me to envision fully letting go, but it's still hard for me.

I thought about taking all the jewelry he gave me that I now refuse to wear for multiple reasons to the ocean and dumping it all there in a box or something. For one, it's diamond and gemstone jewelry that I no longer wish to wear simply because it doesn't suit my style. I am more low key than that, even though I do enjoy gemstone jewelry. And two, all these pieces are from him, and are only a reminder of all the abuse and toxicity. The negative.

So, maybe I will take his jewels to the ocean and set them free.

My question to members here: how do you let go of a relationship that hurt you deeply? What is your strategy? How do you move on in life without allowing the emotional baggage to carry on with you? Please don't mention dating or sleeping with other men. That strategy has not worked for me. But what else helps? I know the obvious answers.. focus on your own hobbies, passions, friendships and interests and fill the void. I am doing this, but still I am holding on.

And what I am holding onto???? The hope that he will change and come back to me a new and changed man? That's not happening. I gave him a hundred chances to make things right with me. We even went to counseling and he even went to individual therapy. He still did not change.

Or, am I holding onto all the hurt and pain inflicted upon me for years? How does one truly get past all the pain???? Abuse is horrid... it's an absolute nightmare... the fighting, the gaslighting, the projections, all the control, the blaming, the mean jokes, the insults, the cheating, lies and betrayals.. the list goes on.

How do you really get past abuse?