My Support Forums - View Single Post - The guilt of leaving someone without means

CANDC · Aug 05, 2023 at 04:51 PM

Hi @Arual welcome to MSF. I am sorry you are having problems with your husband. It sounds rough on you.

I am sensing from what you say that he is laying a heavy guilt trip on you. I am not sure but it may even be at the point of "gaslighting" and narcissistic behavior. I am not dieagnosing him just mentioning that this type of manipulation reminds me of people that exhibited this type of behavior.

Are you concerned for your safety? I am not sure what his threat may mean " should just wait 2-3 days and I will get everything I want." It couild be a threat to harm himself in some way or it could mean something else. I am concerned that you have a safety plan to get away quickly if things start to go downhill. A safety plan can mean having emergency numbers on your cell phone, having a bag packed in your car with essentials and paperwork that is vital like ID cards, credit cards, computers, government documents proving citizenship, visas, and plans where to go.

This may sound extreme but you are dealing with someone that is making veiled threats that are directed to unknown people and they have a history of blaming you and doing things to hurt you verbally and emotionally.

I have concern for others too, but you are not responsible for him. He has created this desperate situation by his actions, speech and inaction. The important thing for me is that you stay safe. If that means moving out, then if that can be safely done, it is well worth considering.

Another suggestion is to get a therapist when you can that specializes in either trauma or dealing with narcissistic behavior. It can take professional help and time to work through all the trauma one has been through in this relationship. If he carries out the threat by harming himself, this will be even more needed in my opinion as a peer.

Hope you get the support you need. @CANDC