Hi I'm new here and really need some help on more than one issue, but I'll start with my self esteem issue. I have depression and anxiety disorder and have been on meds for 6 yrs now. I've always been a quiet person, but I love having friends.

When I was younger, I got into the wrong crowd because I wanted to feel accepted and the drugs and alcohol made me more talkative. Now I'm trying to stay sober, and I've lost all those friends. I don't know how to act around people, how to start up conversations, not feel like everyone hates me. When I have some alcohol in me, I'm a totally different person. Outgoing, funny, talkative and I always have something to talk about. Now I'm just feel like I'm boring and no one likes the sober me. I wish I could be that person I am when I'm drunk, without drinking and acting like a fool, AND being sick the next day). I don't drink very much, maybe a couple times a month. I've went to Happy Hour with people from work, and it starts out good, but then I get out of control and tell everyone my whole life story (I've been to jail, treatment, etc) Then I totally regret it and figure everyone hates me now. Why can't there be a happy medium?

I just hate my personality- sometimes I'm so serious and I don't feel like talking to anyone. I would like to make more friends at work, but I really get irritated by some of them when they make my life more difficult by not doing their jobs. They seem like nice people, but how can I be friends with them when I have to report the bad instructions they are giving me or passing off there work to me?

My husband is my best friend. He has opened my eyes to how people were walking all over me (including my family). But sometimes I feel like that's the only way people will like me. I like being generous and compassionate to others, I believe in karma- it will all come back to me someday. But my husband doesnt believe in that.

Anyway, I'm just wondering if anyone is going through something similar. I really need someone to talk to, some advice. How can I be more outgoing and friendly? I just wish I was one of those people that are always happy and smiling, talking and joking with everyone. I guess I just don't like being the center of attention. I'm better at writing than talking. Is this just me, my personality forever, or can I change somehow?