Quote:
Originally Posted by rebelrose
Thank you @ East17.
I got caught up in feeling special. I couldn't believe that someone like him would want to be friends with me. I was well aware of the rules and believed I would be an exception. He's been a therapist for 35 years and will retire in the next couple of years so I don't think he's too concerned about breaking the rules. Or maybe he is and that is why he's holding back. I don't know.
I do know that you are right. It's painful to think about cutting ties with him because he's the only therapist who wasn't afraid of me. And I feel like I owe him so much. But I know I won't be able to fully live my life if I remain attached to him. |
I wonder if that attachment is something more than a friendship level of attachment. Doesn't mean romantic, just something more. Which given how vulnerable we can be and the information we share with our T's; I can see it being something more. I'm dealing with the unexpected termination of my therapy relationship after 8yrs. My T must close her practice due to circumstances that are mostly out of her control when looking at the larger picture of her life. I so desire to continue to see her for coffee or activities. I don't think I could ever see her as a friend. I think a part of me will always have that other connection to her. If we did do something afterwards, I don't expect her to open up very much more than what she already has. I really see it morphing into more of a peer support role than a friendship.
Perhaps he simply saw this as an extension of your therapy, a next step in your journey. Not knowing what brought you to therapy in the first place. Is there a reason you cannot go back to seeing him as a T (I can think of many, not sure what your reason is). It seems like to some degree he kept a level of boundary there that might make it possible. In fact the fact you did most of the reaching out kind of speaks to this time period being an extension of your therapy in a way. Could you use one of these lunches to discuss any of this with him? What more intimate did you want him to share? Did you discuss what a friendship with him would look like? Perhaps he is waiting for that?
And like you said he is 20 yrs you senior, there just might be that generation gap or he might actually be that private of a person. It sounds like to me he is sharing parts of his life that he didn't share before. And that might be all he shares with his friends. Each of us do have different levels of information we share with the different people in our life.
I think that you feel some guilt about spending time with him or that you had erotic transference (which might not be transference at all) is an indicator that there is more to your wishes/fantasies than maybe a friendship level.
Why not talk to him about any of this?
And please forgive me if I am way off base here.