Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I wonder if that attachment is something more than a friendship level of attachment. Doesn't mean romantic, just something more. Which given how vulnerable we can be and the information we share with our T's; I can see it being something more. I'm dealing with the unexpected termination of my therapy relationship after 8yrs. My T must close her practice due to circumstances that are mostly out of her control when looking at the larger picture of her life. I so desire to continue to see her for coffee or activities. I don't think I could ever see her as a friend. I think a part of me will always have that other connection to her. If we did do something afterwards, I don't expect her to open up very much more than what she already has. I really see it morphing into more of a peer support role than a friendship.
|
Your intuition is right @
Elio. My attachment is much deeper, yet it is not romantic. I don't know how to describe it. Your expectations for the type and level of continued contact after termination are healthier than mine and make sense.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
Perhaps he simply saw this as an extension of your therapy, a next step in your journey. Not knowing what brought you to therapy in the first place. Is there a reason you cannot go back to seeing him as a T (I can think of many, not sure what your reason is). It seems like to some degree he kept a level of boundary there that might make it possible. In fact the fact you did most of the reaching out kind of speaks to this time period being an extension of your therapy in a way. Could you use one of these lunches to discuss any of this with him? What more intimate did you want him to share? Did you discuss what a friendship with him would look like? Perhaps he is waiting for that?
|
Looking back at his behavior after reading this, I think it's spot on as far as our continued contact being extension of my therapy and a way for him to provide continued support. I'm starting to see that my expectation of something different is causing me my own pain. I just wanted to know more about his life, childhood, his kids and grandkids and all the stuff that goes with that. I thought that we could just call each other, without having to schedule a time to do so, and just shoot the ****. I tried calling just to see how he was doing but it was a little awkward and I could tell he wasn't that into it. Never discussed what a friendship would look like. I just made assumptions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
I think that you feel some guilt about spending time with him or that you had erotic transference (which might not be transference at all) is an indicator that there is more to your wishes/fantasies than maybe a friendship level.
|
You're good. I don't think it's transference either. I do have fantasies of something more. I acknowledge that a part of me wishes that I came first in his life. A desire for him to want me in his life. And yet it's not romantic. And I know the impossibility of it all. Just my childhood stuff, wanting to be supremely important in someone's life, which would mean they were protective of me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elio
Why not talk to him about any of this?
|
It feels too late and I feel too hurt. I sent him an email telling him I had to cancel our lunch, I didn't give an explanation as to why, and he didn't even reply to acknowledge it. It feels like this whole thing has run its course and he's letting go. It hurts so much that he's letting go.