You're in a tough situation for two reasons. Firstly, you do care about him, as your thread title reveals. Even if the romantic love has completely withered, you are concerned because he's been utterly dependent on you and seems unable to cope. Secondly, in a state of desperation, he may be dangerous . . . to himself . . . and possibly to you.

Believe it or not, I've been through a situation with some of the same issues. Wait till you hear the parallels. We had been a couple for 12 years, living together for 7. He was an alcoholic who worked part-time, sporadically. He couldn't really support himself alone. By himself, he couldn't afford our apartment. I simply couldn't take the drinking anymore. He was very helpful around the house and did most of the cooking, which he did well. I still loved him. He wasn't violent. His drinking went in a recurrent cycle. When he was at the part of the cycle where he came home stumbling, falling down drunk every 2nd night, I hated being with him. He'ld be insulting and looking for an argument. Then, next day, he'ld be remorseful. On his good days, he could be lovable. I was sick to death of the cycle. So I found an inexpensive apartment and moved out. I was heart-broken and feared loneliness. After 2 days in my own place, I was so happy with my decision. Being alone in a peaceful environment was so superior to what I'ld had to put up with. I did continue the relationship, but would have nothing to do with him when he drank. Finally, I had some control of what I did and didn't have to put up with.

I would advise you to consider getting a different apartment for yourself. If you stay where you're at, you'll have a harder time making him accept that you are finished with the relationship. He'll very likely keep showing up at your door. He'll always consider that apartment to be his home too. That's what happened when I previously had gotten my boyfriend to leave. I had even given him the money he needed for the initial expense of a place of his own. He ended up losing it, becoming homeless and showing up at my door. I didn't have the heart to not let him in. But, once I got a fresh start in a place of my own that he had never lived in, I knew I would never again feel I had to let him in there.

My story had a happier ending than yours will. Two years later, my guy stopped drinking and we became a close couple again. But I was never going to be forced to live with drunkeness again. My decision to leave him had been one of the best decisions I had ever made.

In your case, you are married. I would advise you to first see an attorney to find out what legal obligations you might possibly have toward him and what possible claim he may have on assets of the marriage (such as savings.) Also, you want to be sure you don't incur any liability for any debt he may rack up. If he harasses you in some way, the attorney can best advise you on how to legally constrain him from bad behavior. If his parents are reasonable people, you might want to tell them that you will be terminating the marriage. Get your ducks in a row first.

I can't think of a single good reason why you should stay in this marriage. At age 37, you are still young enough to really build a new life for yourself. There is the potential of finding a new someone, with whom you could have a normal relationship. What's likely to happen to him is sad. His life is ruined by the kind of person that he is. He probably would qualify for some kind of a psychiatric diagnosis, but that's not a reason for you to have your life ruined by staying with him. He'll never look for any kind of help, while he has you meeting every one of his needs for physical support. Staying in this marriage would be like offering yourself up on an altar as a sacrifice, all to maintain a man who has no regard whatsoever for you. He's strictly using you. When you leave him, he will fall apart. Let the social safety net be what he can rely on. At least he has parents. It's too much for you to be his sole source of support. There are alternatives. Let him figure them out.