I dont know why Im writing this. I just need to say it out loud perhaps.

I just ruined the best and only friendship Ive had all my adult life.
And I made it all happen by myself. Since the day I met her, I knew this day was gonna come, and like a self fulfilling prophecy I managed to destroy the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I cannot describe how bad this feels. I dont know what to do now. Theres nothing for me in my life anymore. Im 40 years old, and finding a fiend like her is something that happens once in. lifetime. I dont see what the point in continuing now is.

Ive quit my job and have nothing to live for. I loved her with all of my heart.