I agree with Bill. Just because you did not say to her outright that you were attacking her, and possibly did not think in your mind that you attacked, does not mean that you did not send loud signals of an attack to her.

I also understand how you might feel that her telling you that you "do not understand" because you "do not work" is dismissive of you, and hurtful. So it appears that on both ends there are some hurtful communications going on.