Apologies in advance for what is going to just be me aimlessly rambling. I'm new to the forum and reading some of the threads here makes me feel more pathetic because it's clear that some people here have had far greater issues like SA and toxic partners. I just got dumped. It's my first relationship so it might just seem like puppy love.

My life is really messy, it's full of lies that I've told everyone around me, never being fully open about my circumstances to anyone out of shame. I keep getting in this cycle of trying to do something with my life but then inevitably giving up because it's just easier. Recently I've been trying to get out of this rut I'm in. I have so much fear and anxiety because I really don't know what's going to happen in the long term but I've been trying to tell myself that it's ok, let's take it one step at a time. I'm worth something and I'm not a piece of ****. Things will eventually be ok, as long as I try to work and move forward today.

But this break up just hit me hard. I don't know what to do or how to move forward. I can't talk to anyone because no one knows my whole situation. I'm currently back with family and they don't even know I was dating. They would not have approved because of cultural reasons.

I'm scared, hurt, and lost.