I feel sad for you jesyka, there’s a lot of bad experiences coming through in your posts, I am reading that you are feeling distrustful of men and women too. But you are posting here and you’re talking to us, and I hope you’re feeling some kindness from at least some of our posts?

As for your early experiences, have you explored re parenting yourself? It’s about nurturing yourself in the way you mightn’t have been nurtured growing up.