Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Friendships are very important for many people. Friendships are very important for me, I have some very good girlfriends. But friendship is more than going out to concerts or restaurants, you can just have activity partners for that. You could be a good friend supporting your friends and being understanding of their needs and of them being busy or having issues and hardships. It’s more than just going out. It’s being there for people. It’s not being a good friend thinking of them as flaky or liars or selfish or people pleasers or disrespectful. If you feel this way about them, it doesn’t make you a good friend. It’s better to stop friendships like that
What I am trying to say that no matter how important friends are, most adults have jobs, household obligations, spouses, children, elderly parents, siblings etc etc they can’t possibly have outings with friends as a main priority. Just not a realistic expectation.
I am going to movies with two of my girlfriends this upcoming Sunday but after that I won’t be able to see them for quite a bit for ton of reasons-mostly work and family. Then it will slow down and I’ll see friends more. It doesn’t make me fake or a liar or not caring if I won’t see them for awhile
Two of my girlfriends aren’t married and have no kids and one has no family at all. But it doesn’t mean they have all this free time either. One is taking care of her elderly mom and her dog has been ill. The other one has ton of house projects and she helps her neighbor etc It’s good to have friends but your expectations of them are a little unusual. People have other things
No it’s not pointless to make friends. It’s just how you understand friendship and what it means to you and staying realistic of what others can do. If you have a lot of free time and just want someone to do things with, try social groups type of things.
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I understand all of that. What irritates me yo desth as I said many times is that I’m often expected to listen to everyone, but most people don’t listen even bother to ask me how I’m doing.
That’s selfish. Most people I know just talk about themselves & their problems & I’m sick of being used as a free therapist.
Things tend to be one sided.,A few former friends literally didn’t want to hear me talk about my problems, but they expected me to listen to them talk about whatever they wanted. And they often repeated the same stories again & again!
It wasn’t fair to me at all. And I’m often expected to accommodate everyone else’s schedule usually.
In my friend group, everyone usually wants to get together no later than 1p.m. They rarely compromise on the time. They expect me to accommodate them sinve they’re all day people.
One lady refused to come to my birthday dinner because it was to ‘late’ for her to come at 5! And she refused to go to two of the first restaurants I picked! I didn’t complain about that though. I had to delay things to please her, ugh! So annoying!!!
Who does that? And then I had to sit outside or she couldn’t go to lunch!!! Ridiculous! See what I put up with?
I need more flexible accomdating friends who don’t try to make everything about them usually.