The consensus of all of the books, blogs, and articles that I read plus the YouTube videos I watch about how grief affects people has led to these facts:

• Higher risk for negative outcomes that includes depression, anxiety, PTSD, low self esteem, addictions, job loss, relationship loss
• I can't deal with people who complain about their living parents around me anymore.
• I can feel my grief physically too now b/c grief effects me physically as well as my appetite
• I'm sad 24/7; online grief support is ok but not really helping me move forward
• I have lost my identity and don't know who I am anymore
• My emotional state of mind is multi-layered with grief
• My sister and brother and I are almost complete strangers now (we were never emotionally attached to begin with, and my sister and brother are emotionally attached with each other but triangulate me so I'm never included in their vacations with each other or their children's events)
• I still want to call my mom and talk to her every day like I used to.
• Life is short. I can't make anymore excuses because I don't know when my time will come.
• I still want to make my mom proud of me although she's gone forever
• I have no interest in wasting time on superficial acquaintance relationships with people anymore