I am confused by your response of 'that sounds final' to my statement of how you'll be gone (maybe gone for good). You are quitting. You have no clue for how long. You have no clue what your life or my life will be like if you ever open up a practice that I could go to. You have no clue where you'd be practicing at that time because you have no real plans to reopen. Maybe you have hopes/dreams. You won't tell me anything because you don't know.

When you rubbed at your eye, I wondered if that was due to a tear.

I want you to change your mind -- of course I do. And knowing me, given the amount of pain this has caused, I'd probably have some level of amnesia about it - to stay away from the pain and be just so damm happy that you are not leaving. 7 weeks - 14 sessions. A lifetime, no time at all. It's far enough out for you to reconsider or for me to consider/wish/dream that you will change your mind. It's now been almost 2 weeks since you told me. I know it wasn't a dream. It's real. This is really happening. I read the last few chapters of the Zoe letting go book. As long as I keep writing to you, you'll stay alive in my head and heart.

Tuesday, I need to sit where I can see everything. I need to face ... "our past?" Grieve the loss of future moments? both... something completely else that I don't understand? I couldn't do that yesterday - see the puzzles, see the bridge, the pillow.

I'm glad you loved the blanket. I'm glad I kept it and glad I was able to give it to you. I'm glad you still show excitement at the things I give you. And you said that you would keep the things I left with you. I doubted in my head the longevity of you keeping those things, it was nice to hear you say that they would be kept because they are a good thing of the time we spent together and not a burden. I still wonder how long legally you are required to keep something - if at all.

My missing of you is so strong today. It is a missing, not a longing. This is up there with one of the top 10 hard things to live through. I told someone else that you were quitting and I'd been seeing you for 8 years. The person said that would be like losing a family member. The person has no clue as to the type of therapy we've been doing or the frequency of my contact with you. And they still thought that after 8 yrs, it would be that hard.