My aunt died from kidney cancer yesterday, 76 years old. I just cry and I can´t understand that she´s really gone. I knew her kidney cancer wasn´t curable when she got her diagnosis in November last year, but still, I can´t understand that she´s now gone.

Doctors did what they could for her and for a short period of time chemo helped her but she then got sepsis and was staying in hospital three times during this spring and summer. She only got worse after the sepsis and the last few days she spent in hospice.

I saw her the last time last summer as she didn´t want any visits during Christmas when I was visiting my hometown. I go there only once every six months and now this summer, my aunt was feeling too bad to be able to see anyone.

During her stay in hospice I had already went back to where I now live and by that I didn´t see her anymore. I talked very briefly on the phone with her earlier this summer but that was for just a few minutes.

My mum did visit my aunt in hospice and she told me how my aunt was feeling, some of the things she said and so on but my aunt became worse very quickly and now she´s dead.

My aunt was my only relative besdes my mum who I talked to even if it was mostly on the phone. We didn´t have any deeper relationship but we could talk about everyday things and sometimes laugh a little about something that had happen.

I can´t understand she´s gone as I just see her, in my mind, as an active and talkative person, not as a sick and skinny person without any strength left. I feel so sorry for her that nothing could be done after she tried chemo. The cancer had already spread and it was aggressive so there was no more treatment.

I find it very hard to understand and I´m also very alone in my sorrow.