@raspberrytorte happy very belated birthday!

@Nammu I’m so sorry to hear about your friend, as others have said, you’ve had a rough year

I think I’m anxious about work starting again. I’ve had two nightmares about work, one in which I lost three kids and I almost injured one. I’ve also had two self harm dreams. I usually only have those when I’m very upset but I’ve scanned my body and my mind and I’m not. I even skipped my normal PMS depression. Which I’m thankful for. But the self harm dreams were vivid and graphic. Last night I was at college again, lost my books, and had two projects due on the same day that I couldn’t finish for some reason or another. So I ran out of class and got so overwhelmed that I went to the health center and found an instrument and self harmed. They called the police on me. And called RS and I was so deeply ashamed of myself. I hate dreams like that.

I have exactly 15 days left until I go back to work. Part of the anxiety is I don’t know who I’ll be with. Most paras are put back with their original teachers and I so hope I am, my teacher was so understanding about my issues. I never came out and said I had bipolar but I alluded to my struggles and she never judged me or anything. But at the end of last year my principal chided me for my attendance and said vaguely that he wasn’t sure where everyone would be, they would have a couple of floaters and I am afraid I will be made a floater. But I also think they won’t have enough paras for that, tbh. That means they have to staff all the classrooms and have extra left over, and I know we will have seven autism and LLD classes that need paras. I also know my district is hurting for teachers and staff, they had a big job fair yesterday looking for people. So I’m hoping they’ll at least put me in a permanent class, if not with my same teacher. I just don’t want to be a floater, I’ve been one before and it’s no fun having to go in every day and not know where you’ll be until you get there.

Well I’m going go and tend to my cramps. That’s all I got this months so I’ll take it.