I don't feel that I hold back so much to protect him, but to protect me. I feel shame about missing him/struggling when he's only gone for, say, 10 days (granted, I see him 2 or 3 times a week usually). I feel like I should be able to cope with it better than I do. So I don't want to admit "I really missed you" or "I had a rough time." It's easier to just say I managed OK.

Though I suppose in a way it's protecting him. I know he deserves vacations and without them, he probably would burn out to some extent. So I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make him feel guilty for going away. I tend to cry when he tells me he's going on vacation, and I hate that. Partly because it may seem like I'm trying to make him feel bad and partly because I want to be the client who is just like, "OK, enjoy, I'll be fine. See you when you get back!"

I've told him before that it's like the adult/cognitive part of me completely understands why he needs and deserves a vacation. That part is fine with him going. But the little kid/emotional part is sort of holding onto his leg, like, "No, don't leave me!" He said it was a good description, and he knows that I realize he deserves vacation and am not trying to make him feel guilty. Which does help to know.