Oh totally, definitely not a club I was wanting to belong to at all. And, it is so funny you bring up that statistic because I saw a video recently that was talking about the same thing, it is crazy to think about that even taking away over half of the marriages that end in divorce essentially so many more are not "happy". Pretty crazy stuff.

My therapist is very good at giving me ideas to bring up in our couples therapy. She suggested an artful way I bring up that my husband needs to increase his depression meds, especially because the couple's therapist we see is a psychiatrist. So I followed her advice exactly and it worked really well. My H doesn't like to directly tell me how much meds he is on and he doesn't want to increase them. Turns out the dose he is on is so low its like he is taking nothing. He did say in front of the couple's therapist that he would talk to his psychiatrist about increasing it but he told me that he doesn't think depression meds work and there are apparently studies that say they are no better than a placebo so I don't know. I don't really believe that they don't work and he is still so depressed so I hope he increases his meds. Actually after our couples session he told me that he will never actually do anything to leave our situation so it is really up to me "how long I can take this" because he doesn't see anything changing absent some huge change in circumstances (i.e. money) but will never do anything to leave. Obviously, there is so much wrong with that statement. It is really crazy to hear someone tell you they are miserable but plan on doing nothing to help themselves.

When you have these conversations about him becoming the best person he can be, does your H express any willingness to work on himself? We talk in counseling and among ourselves about my H even finding a hobby he likes or anything to make him happy and he's just like "I can't do it". Its definitely hard for me to relate to that. The therapist turned to me this time and was like "I bet you are really sick of this" and she is 100% correct.


That is so interesting how you have a similar experience with your DH and his mother and these last minute events and leaving. I wonder what that's about? I do think the advice on reinforcing the good and ignoring the bad is a good idea. I am going to try and work on that. My therapist suggested my husband might also be on the autism spectrum (our oldest kid has high functioning autism) and honestly I wonder if she is right. I've learned a lot about HFA through my experience with my son and it would explain a lot. Of course, my H doesn't think he is but I am starting to really think that might be the case.


I am hanging in there. I will say now that I realize him leaving is such an empty threat, it has helped me a lot. Not that it improves the situation but it makes it so I'm not acting scared and I can take control back, if that makes sense.

Anyway, I hope you are having a good week and thank you for your reply and advice as always. It is so helpful for me, I wish we didn't have the situation in common for both of us, but since we do I take a lot of comfort in knowing I am not alone and hearing your advice.