I don't trust that my family will care for me. I don't want to be cared for. I hate that.

It's not like I'm intelligent enough, or care enough about life. I try my best. But I'm super nihilistic.

Why did that person want to talk to me, and say "After all you've been through, you manage to be so positive and happy" - And he didn't care to keep contact with me (Idk if it was cuz he's an online drug dealer or not).

But people always leave me, neglect me, judge me, mistreat me. All of my psychiatry until recent has been complete malpractice. I was only 16 - What did I know?

And now it's like this with Gen Z (But worse). And here we go with the economy rambles.. (I won't do that) - But it's like I'm stuck in a wheel of souls, spinning, painfully screaming and dying (But not actually dying) - It's eternal. Where will heaven be.. And I don't even care for heaven.. I don't want it anymore.. I just want pure nothingness (But that doesn't exist) - It just cycles in an eternal recurrence, over and over again. Like a psychedelic trip. It sucks. And the cure, is perspective - But I need something.. I don't know what it is.. I just want things to be okay. And w/e, I'm venting. Get over it lol.. I love you all..