Feelings are complicated. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand why we feel the way we do. I think that for most people, if we could control our own feelings, our lives would be different. The only thing I know for sure is that we can only control our own behaviors, including when our complex feelings get in the way of it being easy to do.

I'm not exactly sure what you feel. It sounds like you are jealous an ex boyfriend has started seeing someone new. And maybe you feel rejected because after breaking up with him, he didn't pursue you to win back your affections? And maybe you are disappointed that he didn't? I think you may feel offended by him moving on?

I think taking some time to focus on your emotional health is smart. It takes time to heal and to adjust our behavior. You have made big leaps in adjusting your lifestyle to open up your life for happiness (divorcing an abuser, not settling on a person who wanted different things, etc). Now it's time to let your emotions catch up to those changes. Processing emotions is hard but worth the time.

I know it goes sideways sometimes, but writing down I feel (insert emotion) when (insert other person's behavior)... is step one. Step 2 is adding and I'm not sure how to change what I'm in control of to feel differently. It's OK the feel, it's OK to not know what to do about it. And it's OK to change. It takes time.

From my perspective, it seems like you may rely on other people behaving a certain way to induce your feelings. As though you are relying on an ex boyfriend not doing something so you can feel secure/accepted/in control (I'm not sure what you want to feel)... I know you know you that other people will behave the way they choose to and relying on them to cause you to feel good feelings is going to fail and lead to negative feelings almost all the time.