Maybe I’m strange, but I might feel deep emotions running into a significant ex (Jay was very short term) many years later. I’m sorry your exes are always at the music venues you enjoy. That bites.

I’ll add that you’re wanting Jay to have wanted you, isn’t even about him. It is about the idea of him, not the actual him. I think we all are subconsciously trying to resolve childhood trauma and this is how it plays out in present day.