I feel similarly, Lost. My anger at L is more about my grief of her going on leave than her doing something wrong.

However, I don't protect L from my anger or any emotions. We've worked hard for me to learn how to appropriately express my anger instead of turning it inward to despair or shame. It has really helped me to express my anger with her. It actually lessens it and helps get to the root of the problem. In this case, my anger is telling me that I fear for my safety when she goes on leave. So we are working on plans to keep me safe while she's away.