Do you know how to express anger in an angry or unsanitised way? If you are someone who holds onto things very tightly and finds it difficult to move through feelings, this could be information about your inner conflict. So, rather than wanting to protect her, maybe parts of you are keeping hold of the anger in order to protect other parts of you. In some way, repressing the anger and closely holding the grief is serving you - holding it together keeps you safe from the (perceived risk) of feeling. If you express the anger, it could get messy and painful and you wouldn't be in control. Ultimately, of course you would become able to resolve some of the grief issues, but that in itself might be threatening - making room for other feelings is unchartered territory.