The heatwave is definitely still going on. Worse, a transformer blew outside my apartment leaving me without power for over 30 hours. Ended up having to get a hotel and replace everything in my fridge. And I created such a huge sleep dept for myself during it all that I took some hydroxozine to settle my nerves and it knocked me flat on my *** for about 14 hours. And before that, while I was at work there was a police manhunt surrounding my building.

It's... been a crazy week.

How are things with you? I guess it's one thing to talk to someone who's been through what I'm going through, but another to see them actually go through it. I've done the waking up gasping for air thing myself, though I always thought it was a form of sleep paralysis rather than intrusive thoughts. But I'm rambling. Point is that I can relate and it's inspiring to see you tackle your fears with such confidence in yourself. I hope I can learn to do the same for myself!

It's interesting to mention rearranging your home because I've always been something of a neat freak. I always felt like my living space was a reflection of how I felt on the inside, and so when it's a mess then that's how I feel. But I get a lot of satisfaction and a sense of contentment from being organized. And every so often, a good tidy means a complete rearrangement of things. So I can see it.

I am definitely like my grandfather in a lot of respects. I've learned that it doesn't pay to get worked up over little things. And even when it comes to big things I'm usually pretty chill. I remember when I was younger, a friend of mine borrowed my car and ran it over a tree. The cops on the scene were like, "...you're being surprisingly cool about this given that she just wrecked your car." I mean, what good is getting frustrated going to do? The damage is already done.

I do feel like I let a lot slide with my girlfriend. I give her a lot of slack because of her problems, but she has a hard time respecting boundaries and has crossed some pretty serious lines with me in the past without expressing much in the way of (apparent) understanding for the gravity of her actions. I come down on her pretty hard when this happens, but typically all she will do is deflect. I can definitely relate to the "stop walking on eggshells" because it often feels like everything I do annoys her. Even when I'm rightfully upset about something she's done, she manages to somehow make me feel like I'm in the wrong for being mad.

...sorry, didn't mean to vent there, but maybe that's relatable?

I swear pretty ****in' constantly, so that definitely wouldn't be a detriment to me. It does sound like something that might be worth a watch. I'll have to look it up when I'm actually more awake than I am right now

I've managed to get my girlfriend to play Golf With Friends with me. She likes playing crappy courses that people make and post on the workshop. I got Mario Party and Mario Kart for her to play with me, but she got mad at me the day I finally got her to agree to play and has refused to play with me since. I've been having fun with Mario Party, at least. But most of my game time these last two weeks has been spent reconfiguring and hacking a new laptop I just got.

You remind me of something my grandmother once said about me... that I was 10 going on 50. Something about being raised by old people tended to instill a lot of old people tendencies in me, and one of them was just being totally fed up with everyone else's crap. Sounds like your daughter is the same way. I've actually been creeping up on forty myself and not a day goes by I don't look at myself and feel that age. Dating someone considerably younger than myself probably contributes a lot to that, too... especially when she starts using all sorts of zoomer slang that I can't understand.

Anyway, sorry if this is all a little more disjointed than usual, but I'm still reeling from the impact this last week has had on my sleep schedule. Your kind words and encouragement are always appreciated and bring a lot of much-needed positivity into my life. I hope you are doing every bit as well as the confidence you have in dealing with your own struggles would suggest. Much love and support to you <3