Quote:
Originally Posted by comrademoomoo
Do you know how to express anger in an angry or unsanitised way? If you are someone who holds onto things very tightly and finds it difficult to move through feelings, this could be information about your inner conflict. So, rather than wanting to protect her, maybe parts of you are keeping hold of the anger in order to protect other parts of you. In some way, repressing the anger and closely holding the grief is serving you - holding it together keeps you safe from the (perceived risk) of feeling. If you express the anger, it could get messy and painful and you wouldn't be in control. Ultimately, of course you would become able to resolve some of the grief issues, but that in itself might be threatening - making room for other feelings is unchartered territory.
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Not to interject too much in this thread, but this resonated with me, Comrade. I have trouble both feeling and expressing anger. That I've been able to both feel and express it toward Dr. T (rather than just turning it inward) is a sign a considerable progress for me.
It has led to things being a bit messy, but I think, in my case, they needed to get messy for me to really unlock some other feelings about things not related to him. It's taken some time to unpack it all, but I'm getting there.
One of those things is tied into what led to the whole "I love you" mess (hm, perhaps that should be my memoir title?) That I said something to him in anger that he said was "very offensive." And I kept having this thought of "I'm sorry--I love you."
It took me some time to really unpack that, the deeper meaning behind that comment. I realized that I had this false belief that if I really loved someone, I wouldn't knowingly say something hurtful to them in anger (and, conversely, had a sort of belief about how someone should act toward me). Which came from my parents (who rarely, if ever, expressed anger toward each other).
Anyway, sorry for the tangent, but thought I'd share some anger-related insights I've had lately that your comment brought to mind. And how it has ultimately been helpful (if painful at the time) to *not* protect my T.