Hi again. It's always good to hear how you're doing. It's not an easy situation. You aren't alone.

I am hanging in there. I will say now that I realize him leaving is such an empty threat, it has helped me a lot. Not that it improves the situation but it makes it so I'm not acting scared and I can take control back, if that makes sense.

It makes perfect sense. That largely explains my situation too. Like once you come to the realization that it's mostly just manipulative bluster, you can breathe a little easier, take your time, and figure out what direction might make sense in the moment, without feeling panicky about what he may do. But yeah, it doesn't really improve it, though you might feel more empowered when it comes to enforcing boundaries.

Wishing you luck regarding the depression meds and getting him to adjust them. It's hard to say, I've heard the placebo argument, and others who say meds made all the difference.

When H had a breakdown last year, he agreed to try meds finally. They put him on one of those "nothing" doses too. When he hit his summer hypomania a couple months later (that the doctors don't think is real), it was next level weird. We watched him do things that were very uncharacteristic of him, so the meds definitely changed something in his brain. It was a relief when he went off them.

That's interesting about HFA. It seems like having your son on the spectrum would give you a lot of insight. At a point, it seems like there can be a crazy amount of crossover in symptoms, whether depression, autism, ADD, borderline, etc. It's probably fair to say they aren't neurotypical, whatever the cause.

When you have these conversations about him becoming the best person he can be, does your H express any willingness to work on himself?

Not really. It's more just a way of putting down a boundary with him. This is what I need, arguably what he needs, but what it mostly does is get him to back off from making unreasonable demands about what I should be doing for him and the relationship. It stops him from being able to pin all the blame on me, and puts out the expectation that he needs to start working towards meeting me in the middle.

The therapist turned to me this time and was like "I bet you are really sick of this" and she is 100% correct.

Wow. Did that feel as validating as it sounds? It's sad that he just doesn't have the motivation. Did he have any hobbies before, things that he no longer does? Something he could go back to?

Mine used to do a lot of different things, but he says he doesn't have the level of focus he needs to actually do, or enjoy, them anymore, which is sad and scary. He seems to take most of his energy and focus to work- which probably isn't the worst thing…

This past week I've been doing some reading on internet addiction, and it's been somewhat relatable. It's kind of a chicken and egg thing though- what caused what? Maybe what he does is escapism and the result, not the cause of his problems. At the moment, I do see him as being someone who needs the constant drip of feedback that you can get through a smartphone- whether texting or calling people, constantly checking informational pages, or watching YouTube videos. It's like he's in a loop and can't get out - within minutes of stopping, he's bored or needs distraction again, and requires the stimuli, and he's back in his phone. In the past, talking to him about his use has resulted in a lot of blame shifting and denial, which also feels a bit like addiction. There's probably not much I can, or should, do about it. It's his issue to choose to fix, or not. Or to live with the consequences.

My anxiety has continued to ease this week. DD is back in school and I'm getting quite a bit done, which feels good for the most part.

Hope you're feeling okay- hopefully calm and steady or something like it.

Here's a for you. Give your kids some extra hugs too :