Thankyou all so much, he is trying to protect me from it all, my daughter made me promise not to tell him she told me, but i need him to talk .... he has a hard job opening up as it is ... we need to get out of this house, with prices here going down there is not much equity in it after debts have been paid, so i think we will hand in the keys and rent for a while. This seems the only option right now ... this house is way too small for teens, their friends and all the instruments my daughter has, a dog, 3 gerbils and friends lol ...... i know we are lucky compared to a lot of folks, and we are still together after 20 years. We've been through so much crap together, this is nothing really. Thanks for listening, love to all, Jin xoxoxoxoxo