Yes I can relate to the 'holding back' thing, especially after a break. It's almost as though I need a couple of sessions to settle in, to feel comfortable and allow myself to believe that the trust is there again.

You are right that this is something which might be a valuable topic to talk to your T about, but it has to feel the right time for you, as in when you 'want to' do it rather than thinking you 'ought to'.

Complicated grief throws up so many difficult emotions and feelings, especially anger, and sometimes it can be hard to separate out exactly what or who you are angry at.

You say you have to find the 'right' way to talk about it all; and having to find just the right words myself, I do get that.... but really there is no wrong way to talk about it, however you express it, will be fine, and your T will understand.