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Soupe du jour
Quote:
Originally Posted by Soupe du jour
Increasingly, I wish I could run away. I feel embarrassed a lot, and ashamed. I know it's my issue to work out. I just wish it was easier. Knowing what I should do doesn't make me do it. I often use the excuse that it's like I'm a magnet and everything I should be doing is another magnet of the same pole. I don't want to get to the point of "disciplining myself", so to speak. In the past, when in a mixed state I would slap myself across the face or even bang my head against the wall, literally. An irrational act. It never did any good. I know that people around me see that something is amiss with me. Of course I am sad about that, but do not blame them. It is a reality.
My psychiatrist said that if I need a major medication change that it would need to be done in a hospital. My therapist even asked me if I think I might need hospitalization. I don't think I'm to that point, plus I would be mortified to have to go. I'd be there all alone, not understanding. Alone. That itself, I think, could trigger a worsening of my situation. It might not be what hospitalizations occasionally seemed in the US. A reprieve or escape, of sorts.
I'm glad I have the therapist. He and I will work more on the grieving process.
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Hi Soupe,
It's good that you get help with your grief from a therapist. You have really had a hard time with the loss and what followed afterward.
I just pupped in today and saw your post. There were something in it that made me feel for answering you. By the way; I feel almost fine, much better mood and with belief in the future.
I do understand that you don't want to be an inpatient in a land where you don't understand the language well enough. But you being afraid of dong that, made me think of a tool I have seen to use for people going at vacation without knowing the language. It is a little box, almost the size of a Mobil phone. It speak languages and is used this way: One speak one's own language into the box and so the language is translated into the foreign language.
If it is possible for you to use such a box, your feeling of being isolated will probably disappear. If your husband calls or visits at regular times, you are not left alone.
May be the check republic have their own procedures for shifting meds that are just as good as the American way. With the patient inside the hospital it is much more easy to observe the effects on the patient for the doctors and nurses. Besides some of these hospitals are far out in the countryside and will give you wonderful experiences with nature.
I wanted to write this because may be a hospital in the Check republic is different then in America and may be that difference turns out to be positive.
If this is the way they shift medications in Chekkia, and you really need a shift, may be that is the best. I think I understand your frustration, but perhaps it is worth thinking about? Use CBT to choose between alternatives, take your time and stick to your decision when it is done.
For the little "translate machine" try different search words like "translate language on your vacation" or similar.
I searched for a psych ward in Prague, and look what I found, a hospital with beautiful surroundings. Remember being an inpatient is not about being in bed all day. It is also about sharing meals, participate in fun evenings, go for walks in groups, do something you like with your hands ...
Psychiatricka nemocnice Bohnice
Send my best wishes for you either you chose this or that!
I don't want to intrude, but I like to give information if that can help others on their way. People always choose for themselves!