Visions of my ex husband with tears running down his face and snot dripping from his nose as he packed his belongings to move out are haunting me.

I vividly recall standing in the kitchen watching him as he packed and cried to me.. then as he took his stuff to his car outside while still bawling and I stood there watching, frozen and unable to speak. I did not feel much compassion for him at the time, and only wanted him out of the house.

But these visions and memories haunt me from time to time. Not incessantly, just once in a while these memories arise and I feel a tug on my heart strings.

I was SO cold at the time when this happened. SO COLD. It felt heartless on my behalf, but it was his own doing, and I do recall saying that much to him as he packed and cried.

I guess I am a bit stunned by my cold-hearted response. It is so unlike me to be that way. Normally, I would have comforted him in some way, but I didn't. I just stood there watching as the tears ran down his face and as his hands shook wildly when trying to hold an object.

But this was necessary self care on my part, to kick him out for good. And at the time, I didn't feel any compassion towards him. I had had enough of his abuse.

This is all just a very strange feeling.