You will reply when you have time.

I read the article, there are certain interresting thoughts. I'm not really sure if I face existential depression, but what I know that I am also physically alone/lonely. This is something I struggle with because I know that sometimes I want or need a hug, but there is no one who I could go to. You are right that touch is beneficial.

As I've already mentioned, I don't know if I will be able to afford massages (not speaking about the question if I will have any time). I assume that I will find solution to lack of physical contact after I solve other issues (or after solving those, this will naturally get better). That is another reason why those things I wrote in my first message and in my yesterday's comment bother me much, much more.

One more thought I remembered. Lately, I have been facing situations when I was around people and it felt as if it was a shame that I have never been in a relationship. I know that's not completely true, but when people around you behave in such a way, trust me, you don't feel good. My only "relationship" couldn't have been called a relationship because it was very strange and we were like close friends what, in the end, probably wasn't true either. I don't know what happened and I can't find out, but based on her behaviour, I ended up really bad. I don't compare myself to others and this is definitely not one of the reason why I hate my romantic relationship conditions, but I see that all the people who were around me or were my friends, don't even have to try to have a fulfilling relationship.