About that neutral third party... My experience has largely become that when someone is habitually manipulative, they are very good at roping those neutral third parties into their circles. They are masters of manipulation, and many have been doing it without thought since they were young children. For some of them, it can be as natural as breathing.

A story I tell too often on these boards (but it's a good and egregious example) was accompanying DH to his counseling session, where he put on a sad and harried demeanor and the counselor decided that the abuse, he admitted to committing, was in fact my fault for not having used better boundaries in that moment. Seriously... I don't tell this for sympathy, it's just a ridiculous example of manipulation, and cluelessness, even on the part of someone who should be a bit more objective. So those manipulative people really do know how to stack things in their favor.

That book isn't about repairing relationships, it's about what drives people to behave that way, why people like you and I aren't aware, and how best to deal with them. It helps us understand them, but ultimately, it's about us and what we need to do for ourselves to be safe and healthy.

Dr. Les Carter is also on YouTube and he has a lot of good videos about just detaching and not giving energy to people like that. There's a lot of power in detachment and non reaction. You're in a really tough spot with the overlapping circles, about all you can do is disengage from them and live to your own high standards, and make sure you have and use VERY strong boundaries.

That is so sad about Katie. Both for her, and for you. That is just a cruel, nasty thing that they did. As sad as it is, the only way you come out looking good is by doing nothing, right? So sad. Maybe someday it will turn around for the better. Again. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.