Well, there may be some stuff in the book about correcting relationships with a controlling person, but I never looked for that message. For me, it's been largely about understanding, coming to terms, and managing what's in front of me.

You have a lot going on there, lots to feel unhappy or unsettled about. It can take a while to process that stuff and come to terms with it to eventually get to a place where you feel at peace with yourself.

Yeah, I know those people you are talking about. It's scary how some people have no moral compass. They are self serving and don't care who they destroy in the process. Accepting this can be hard, but when it's a family member, it's especially hard to come to terms with.

Your concern for Katie is very kind, and so sad that they perverted it as they did. Sometimes this stuff is just out of our control and there isn't much we can do. And it doubly stinks to accept that, because in a sense, they did win. Truth and what's right didn't fully prevail. Maybe someday the truth will come out, maybe it won't, but it sucks to be in a place where you have to concede that you didn't do anything wrong, but are the one left holding the bag. Hopefully Katie will be okay. At least you recognize it's beyond your control at this point.

One piece of advice that I found particularly helpful was to learn to respond rather than react. You may already have this mastered, but manipulators, particularly those close to us, know how to push our buttons and get that reaction out of us. We can't give them that. Sometimes conversations with my dh are super weird, because he's getting amped up and trying to drag me into his drama. No reactions - that's what they want. They may even provoke reactions in us in order to get us to feel the things they can't allow themselves. They're mad, but they deal with it by making someone else mad, and then tsk tsk them for getting upset. Instead, respond with unemotional answers, like you would with a complete stranger who said something odd to you. If you don't already do this, it can take time to learn how to do it effectively. It can feel flat and awkward at times, but it works. Not just with the toxic people, but also with friends in common who may be overstepping good boundaries.

Anyhow, another hug for you. It's a lot to figure out. You won't do it overnight, but you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so you will get there.