What the hell?????

I met my boyfriend and we were together for a month... Then we had a long distance relationship for 6 months... Then he said he wanted me to come and visit him. I said I couldn't - couldn't afford it (and I literally can't). He offered to pay and I was like NO WAY!! How come? Because if I let him pay then I would feel like he had a claim on me. Would be much harder to say 'actually just friends thanks' if they pay for you. I mean... If you offer to pay for a trip for someone then there are clear expectations that something is gonna happen - right?

In the end... I allowed him to put the trip on his flybys. How come? He made it clear that we could 'see what happens' and I came to appreciate that he was a nice enough guy for me to know that I could say 'actually just friends' and he wouldn't pressure me or anything. He also said that... In order for there to be a chance for us... We needed to see each other. That he couldn't go on without seeing me if we were trying to make things work. So... I accepted. But... I didn't feel 100% okay about it...

This might be a generational thing. If I go out on dates I pay my way. That way I don't feel like I owe the guy anything. I might pay sometimes... He might pay sometimes... I figured a system with my ex where I payed for about one third - since I earn about one third of what he earns lol. But to my mind... Safety first.

I don't think it is desperate to meet people off the internet. I've met two people off the internet. One of them flew out from another country to see me. He wanted to visit where I was anyway (the country at least) but, yeah, he was mostly coming to see me. I took my biggest male friend along to his hotel room for a surprise visit the evening he flew in so we got the chance to suss him out.. The thought was that if either of us didn't feel 100% okay about things then my male friend would hang out with us the whole time. As things turned out... I'm still really great friends with this guy who I met off the internet. I've since gone on holiday with him for long weekends etc. We will stay in a cottage together and I feel 100% safe in his company. I'll visit his city for a time etc etc etc. He has become one of my best and most cherished friends in this world. And he is just as socially anxious / awkward as I am lol.

One does have to be a bit careful... But there are things you can do to protect yourself. Don't give him money. Don't take money from him. Don't accept expensive gifts. Don't give expensive gifts to him. Meet him somewhere public - so other people will notice and intervene if things are problematic. Have your own ride in to see him and out from seeing him organized so that you can leave when you want to and go stay someplace you know you will be safe. If you want to go do something with him take a cab or public transport - so there is other people around. You should get to suss things out and see how comfortable you feel... But really... Same caveats apply to blind dates and the like - don't they?

A trip to Texas... Would that be fun for you such that if you met him for lunch or something and found that you really didn't want to be friends with him at all then you could part ways and still have a good time? If so... Then go for it!!! If not... Then nah... Maybe take some time and continue online / phone conversation with him... Hard to know if he is being 'pushy' or if he is just being friendly in a nice guy way...