i am not my damn past.

i became someone who could survive, who'd show no weakness. "i'm not strong anymore, darling"

becoming that person meant displaying a coldness that still sends shivers down those who once knew me spines. as it should, they were a threat. the lot of 'em.

but i am not my past.

that person doesn't need to exist. but still it claws its way free from this domesticated vessel. i can't be that person again. if they come out once more, i'm afraid i will forever be lost.

still, i am not my past.

this new person is here to live, not simply survive. it fights to hold in the other guy. the one whom tears at my throat.

"i can't help this awful energy" that often escapes and lashes out. everything is a threat. everyone too close must perish. yet, they must remain protected.

i fear myself beyond what my past can manage. because i kept that poison within my soul. this thing inside is black and bruised. my vessel has many scars. they have fought many battles together. now they're at war with each other.

i. am. not. my. past.