Sorry to hear you're going through this. I think you mentioned she is a caregiver. It may be that because she has someone who relies heavily on her for care, it's caused her to hyperfocus on other's in her life. Is it possible to have a private discussion with her, maybe over a nice lunch or dinner together, where you can be honest and help her to understand that she can let go a bit more and give you freedom over your decisions? Maybe you can help her see the benefit to not only you but to her as well if you both have the freedom to make decisions and be at peace with those decisions.