xRavenx, how I can relate to what you and contributors are saying!

My relationship with my mother has been like this for as long as I can remember (am now 60+). As I've got older then my perspective has changed. Gone is my "people pleasing" attitude.

My mother has always been difficult, a possible throwback to her own childhood. Her sister arrived 6 years later and always seen as favourite child. For many years, I thought her behaviour was the norm for her circumstances (widowed early, poor second marriage) but began to realise her fixed views would cause a problem. Yes, there's a repeat of her early life, my brother is her favourite.

At 25, she told me I was a disappointment as I hadn't given her any grandchildren. Wasn't even seeing anyone then! Can only imagine what would have happened if I'd got pregnant....

She always maintains she's caring but experience shows that it's always on her terms. She has no friends, no real interests. Okay, health/mobility issues haven't helped in later life. However, this doesn't excuse the unacceptable behaviour. How do I manage this now? By not sharing everything with her, taking away opportunity to criticise. Doing things on my terms. Not bowing to emotional pressure. A new friend, who I met online during lockdown, made me realise that I didn't need to be a carbon copy of my mother.

Only advice I can give is stay strong. Don't share too much personal info as this is seen as invitation to comment/criticise. When we are children, we look to parents for guidance. As we get older, then we learn from our mistakes but still carve our own path.....