When you see me expressing my honest feelings and asserting myself, using I-statements and describing emotions and everything, take note. If you want a sure-fire way to turn a discussion into a full-blown fight, here’s what to do. This is GUARANTEED to get me into fight mode.

If, on the other hand, you want a peaceful resolution, this is what not to do.

1. Order me to stop feeling or expressing an emotion because you don’t want to hear it. For example, if I show frustration or annoyance to any degree at all, even mildly, useful fight-producing phrases include, “Don’t get mad at me.” “Knock it off.” “Quit acting like that.”

2. Cut me off and talk over me because you don’t want to hear what I’m saying.

3. Get up and leave the room when I’m still in the middle of a sentence, because you don’t like what I’m saying.

4. Use dismissive, belittling and minimizing terms to describe my emotions. Remember, I am never angry, annoyed, frustrated, or upset. I am instead “getting pissy” or “in one of my moods.”

5. Always attribute my expression of emotions to mental illness. My feelings are never legitimate. They are always symptoms. You may want to ask me if I need to call my doctor, or if I’ve taken my medicine today.