I'm just coming out of the most severe depression that I've been in...well, in many years. Coming out of it until today, that is.

David is sick and now I'm getting it as well. I have no one to help me, and it's thrown me right back to ground zero. I don't understand why. I was doing pretty well with steadily coming out of it, and in one day, it's changed.

I hope it doesn't last? It could be because I've not been able to put the baby down long enuf to even dress and comb my hair decently. It could be that knowing I'm getting sick and there's no one who can/will help is a reminder of alot of yuck.

I will come out of this. I just pray it's soon that I do. I refuse to put myself down for this as it will add to the depression. I've had so many adjustments to deal with in the last six months...with very little break.

I have to remember...1) I've done this before and come out on the other side. 2) I can depend on no one here IRL (except hubby and t to a degree and don't have alot of access to either) but myself (that way I won't be let down and sink deeper). 3) I have to keep telling myself that I'm good (cause i don't "feel" that way right now).

I will make it past this...one moment at a time. I have survived for a reason...it's that simple to me sometimes, because sometimes it has to be.

thank you for listening,