Hi Red,,
Good job on thinking about your drinking and recognizing that it's causing problems in your life.
I can completely relate. I started writing in my journal in early 2002 that I had a problem with drinking and that I'd start next weekend. But when the weekend came, I'd always drink. It took me 3 years to get help, and even then I continued to drink periodically so I get it.
I've been sober now for almost 5 years, and honestly getting sober was the best thing I've ever done for myself. It wasn't easy but so worth it.
I'd encourage you to seek out IRL support - there's AA, SMART Recovery, and Women for Sobriety if you're female. In person support was invaluable to me.
Good luck.
__________________
"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba