I don't believe the marriage itself is toxic, even though those behaviors certainly are. My physical and mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since we've been together. Where I was severely hurt by situations in past relationships, I know it doesn't sound like it, but in this marriage I've found a lot of healing. The behaviors, yes. The whole marriage, no.

Because as slowly as it happens, he does learn. Eventually we can talk it over. He and I were both feeling abused by the other when this conflict happened, and yes, I was being abusive to him also. Fortunately, we did get around to discussion and problem solving.

He cut me off because, as he saw it, I had already said it. I explained to him that while I had *started* to say it about four times, he hadn't allowed me to finish the sentence. If I don't think I was heard the first, second, or third time I say something, I am going to say it the fourth. I'd like for him to give me some indication that he heard me, and then repeating myself won't be necessary.

He left the room in the middle of my sentence because he felt like he was being verbally abused. Granted, a therapist did say that if our discussions get heated, we need to back off and pick it up later when we're calmer. That's what he was trying to do. I recommended that he wait until I finish my sentence, and then TELL me he's leaving the room. It's the same thing as when it happens on the phone. He doesn't like for me to just hang up on him in anger. He wants me to tell him I can't continue the discussion right now, and that I'm going to hang up. Whether hanging up or leaving the room, same principle. Works both ways.

I have discussed with him that just because I may be angry doesn't mean I'm mad *at him.* I just need to be allowed the vent.